Derailed Train Back on Track

It’s been months since I have sat down and tried to write a blog post.  Once I started teaching in August, time quickly became a precious commodity, and then after the marathon I suffered from burnout. I was burnt out from running, eating well, and even writing. The month of November was kind of a blur for me where I just kind of spent time spinning in circles. I was trying to find my footing, and hit the ground running again, literally and figuratively.

Headed in the Wrong Direction

I had created some bad food habits during my marathon training. I justified the bad foods I was eating because of the miles I was running. It evened out, until I stopped running. Here I sit about 14 pounds up from my lowest weight. In a sense, it’s like starting all over again. It wasn’t like I was just a little off track, my whole train had derailed. I started my journey years ago, so I knew how to start. I simply didn’t want to feel deprived of the junk food I had grown accustomed to in a few short months. I knew my scale was climbing, it was a slow and steady climb. I did things like blame my scale for not working properly, to attributing it to just last night’s meal. I was in denial, lying to myself about the direction I was headed.

Facing the Facts

I could no longer deny it ,when on the last day before Christmas break at my school, I was unable to button my jeans. This was  the worst feeling, and was worse than seeing a big gain on the scale.  I had realized the last few weeks of school, I was hiding under hooded sweatshirts so my noticeable rolls were hidden. I had that uncomfortable feeling of being full constantly, and feeling pretty miserable. I just ignored it. At that point, I had been to the gym only 5 times since October, attempting to get back on track. It felt like as soon as I was back in a routine, someone was sick or there was a vehicle problem interrupting my routine of getting to the gym.

 

I lost 85 pounds before I even belonged to a gym. I am not sure when this idea of not being able to workout unless I get to the gym started. I know that’s absolutely ridiculous and simply me being lazy. It is amazing how many ways we can justify excuses along the way, even years into it. I knew something had to change.

More than Just a Weight Problem

Ask me how my spiritual life was going? You probably guessed, nonexistent. I had let life overtake me, and spent little time in prayer or the Bible. The further I get from Him and think I can do things on my own, the harder the journey gets. I lose my inner source of strength, willpower, and commitment of worship through taking care of my body. I take my eyes off Jesus, and I start to sink. I was sinking.

 

Just last week in a sermon, I felt God nudging me to deny myself and choose Him.  Immediately I knew this was in reference to my journey. I had made the decision to deny myself processed foods, sugar in the form of cookies, and giving up cream in my coffee.  These were small changes, but sacrifice is what it was going to take. I logged all my food for the past week, and my body felt like it was headed back to the way I like to feel. I tried on my jeans, and although tight, I buttoned them.   This was my first step.

Holding On

Yesterday, while in church, I was reflecting on my spiritual walk the past week and realized I was still falling so short. I had to get into my Bible and pray more. That is where I will find all those things I had been lacking.  I have been looking to find my footing for months now, and I feel like I am that person hanging onto a steep cliff about to fall, but my hands are holding tight and I am finally on my way to safety.

 

The journey is hard, but it’s impossible without Christ being in the center of it. He will give you what you need to overcome the obstacles along the way. I think I finally have found the role that Christ plays in my journey, which is something I have been struggling with. I am thankful for second chances, third chances, and the list goes on.

I am excited to head into 2015 with this revelation about my own journey, and I am expecting great things this year.   I challenge you to think about this area of your own journeys!

What are you expecting in 2015?!